If only

If not for the misleading,
we'd have no need for lawyers.
If not for the tears,
we'd have no need for consoling gestures
If not for the downtrodden,
the disparate, the helpless
and cold
we'd have no need for kindness
and warm embraces.

If not for Faulkner
we'd never have written a thesis
or pondered the possibility of
pen and ink.
If not for forgetfulness, misunderstanding
or failed gestures
We'd have no need for apologies.

If not for her abeyance of forethought
and communication
then I'd have been better-
suited to accept her well-wishes
today on my birthday

But they exist, pervasive,
thorough and frighteningly.
We'd all be better if
veils didn't exist,
if smiles could not be mustered
when knowingly unwarranted

I thinks myself closer to truth
when I can override such
atrocities.
I find goodness in hatred
when I know it's unfounded
and only a callous attempt
by them to reassure they
didn't care
weren't hurt
are beyond the realm of guilt

It all made sense
when the day's duties required
nothing beyond taking notes
and remembering your bag-lunch.
when destinations were more erudite
than the journey
when we could not discern
between gratefulness and assumed
gratitude.

If only.